Little Girls & The Boys We Love

I am really no longer that exciting for my friends. Not so much the I-knew-her-since-she-got-married friends, but the pre-Hubby friends. And not because I have two little children (which actually does wig them out, even if they don't tell me). On a side note - I must be dating myself because I said "wig me out" - I'm sure the teenage girls I work with in my church youth group would be staring at me in confusion while adjusting their omnipresent iPod earbuds. At any rate, the reason I am no longer exciting for my pre-Hubby friends is because I am now - brace yourselves - calm. Calm. What was I before, you might ask? Well, the opposite of calm, but not quite hurricane-ish. I just had this thing - for boys. There was always a "Top 10 Boys" list hanging out in my journal or locker or doodled on my Geometry homework. Now that I have my catch - and he's quite a catch, I must say, even after his "Over the Hill" birthday and the old man he is at age 30 - I am rather calm. Sigh. Sometimes I ask my hubby if he'll pretend we don't know each other yet and that we're on a first date so that I can experience some of my giggly junior high crush feelings, but alas, he usually just gives me a look and we go on with our lives.

I have very few memories as a child when I didn't have a crush on some poor unsuspecting little boy. There was a Caleb who lived on my block and had a trampoline, a Thomas who was the coolest because his parents let him play in the back of their pickup truck, a Colton I chased during recess in Kindergarten, a Watson who chased me during recess in Kindergarten, a Steven who de-pantsed me when I was doing a special Show-And-Tell in Kindergarten (it was a busy year...) and then there was Conrad. He was perfect. I had my eye on him since the beginning of the 2nd grade. Of course, he was the most popular kid in the class and I was the geeky gawky one with the mismatched outfits (my mom, bless her heart, has always been a little fashion challenged). A Cinderella story waiting to happen. I longed to be the girl he chose to chase at recess, but I usually found myself swaying on the swings trying to hide from Benny (the nose-picker) while Amanda, The Beautiful One, would prance gracefully away from Conrad. Life is unfair, man. At least Miss Pack reassigned seats and I got the seat next to Conrad. Thinking back on this, I am pretty sure there was nothing that special about ole Conrad. He probably took a bath once a week when forced and needed several XYZ (eXamine Your Zipper) reminders on a daily basis, but at age 7, there's no accounting for taste. As the days went by, I decided that Conrad must really like me deep down. It was the little things: he asked to borrow my eraser, tripped me a couple of times, laughed in my general direction, etc. Someday he would profess his love for me and we would move away to Disneyland and live happily ever after. He just needed to find the right time...

November 1. The day after Halloween. We were in the middle of extremely exciting addition problems when Conrad let me know his true feelings. He had been laying his head down on his desk all morning with a couple of well-placed groans. All of a sudden he lifted up, turned an indescribable shade of green, and proceeded to unload his full Halloween candy spoils on my desk. A quick swallow. And then another. And then the thought going through my mind as I gagged was "He likes me! He likes me!" He must! Amanda was seated on his left and he could have chosen her desk, but he didn't. He chose mine! What a beautiful day! Not only that, but Miss Pack asked me to accompany Conrad to the clinic. As we arrived the nurse took one look at him and pursed her cheap-lipstick lips at me. "Shoo" she swatted. But as I turned to go, Conrad whispered, "Stay until my mom comes?" I loved him! I loved his miserable face and his pleading eyes. I loved Halloween and Halloween candy and, for the one and ONLY time in my life, I loved throw up. What a deranged child, huh? I guess...but it makes for such a fabulous memory!

We moved to Colorado shortly after the love-professing incident so I never got a chance to see how our "relationship" would develop. But I still yearn to see Conrad again and say, "Hey, remember me? You hurled on my desk!" Not having seen him for almost 20 years, I'm sure he'd be filing a restraining order :)

The years have passed and I've had more than my share of weird relationships and crazy crushes (as you may imagine from this episode), so it's nice to have settled down and become calm. Now I have two men in my life: my older-than-dirt husband and my one-year-old son. And you can be sure I'll be teaching the Simster how to properly show a girl his intentions - no throwing up allowed!


Lindsay said…