Tuesday, May 06, 2008

Better Mom or Worse Mom?

I'm trying to decide if I'm becoming a better mom or a worse mom.


Child #1: Once I figured out the whole family bed I-can-feed-her-and-still-sleep thing, she slept with us every night. During the day, unless we were in the car or somebody else was holding her, I held her while she slept. At night, she turned in when we turned in and shared our bed. By the time seven months rolled around, I was ready and DH was ready to have our bed back. She cried it out, and has been sleeping almost perfectly by herself since.


Child #2: Decided I didn't want to sleep all the time with him. Attempted getting him to sleep in his bassinet, but almost always brought him to bed with me right when I went to bed. He spent a lot of time sleeping in the swing and in his carseat. He also took a bottle and I gave him one. A lot. Let him cry it out around six months. Overall, still sleeps great (naps a bit of a challenge...)


Child #3: During the big move, found out she loved sleeping in the car seat with it covered, with the bathroom vent fan running. Used mostly that method (+ coming to bed with us halfway through the night) until we moved into our house. Now she sleeps 90% of the time in her bassinet. When she wakes up in the night, I usually bring her to bed with us. Just turned five months and is sleeping longer on her own much earlier than the other kids.

So... does it make me a better mom to PJ because she is sleeping in her bassinet?  Or am I becoming a worse mom because I don't hold her all the time and just snuggle her?  Was I a better mom to the Simster because I got him to take a bottle?  Or a worse mom because I stopped nursing him around 7 months?  Was I the best with the Bubbs because I held her a ton or worst with her because she didn't sleep on her own for a long time?  Is it partially the personality of the kids that affects how they sleep (nature) or just my mothering (nurture)?  Just a conundrum I was thinking about.  I actually feel pretty good about all three of my kids and their sleeping (except when they're supposed to be taking a nap and they're doing this instead), but I do feel that conflicted-ness of giving all your kids the same amount of attention, love, boundaries, etc.

In other news, PJ laughed (a little one) for the first time yesterday!  And last night before I went to bed, I heard a light switch turn on, the pitter-patter of little feet, another light come on, and then, after a little bit, the sound of a flush.  Then the sink water running, the light turns off, pitter-patter, the other light off, and the creak of the bed.  I was such a proud mama!  The Bubbs is getting so old - she's going to the potty in the night without any assistance from me!  I can't believe it.  Before I know it, she'll be driving.  And probably hitting a parked car.  :)  It's so fun to watch my kids grow!

Anyway, this is now long.  And it's late.  So on that note, good night folks. :)  Hope you're having a good one!

5 comments:

COOLWHIP said...

I did the same thing with mine. I want to hold them constantly when they are new, and i don't want to share. That wears off a lot sooner with each one.
The sleeping thing is a personality. You can fight and fight, 3 of 5 will never need as much sleep as 2 of 5. And they share a room.... poor kid.
We fought and fought to keep 3 of 5 from sucking his thumb..... he still ended up doing it. 5 of 5 is starting to..... and i'm not even going to fight it. it sucks, (literally) but whatever.

the lazy reader said...

After major trauma and guilt over trying to breastfeed Katelyn and then stopping (she always slept in the bassinet or crib) I had to adopt a "whatever works" philosophy for each child just to save my sanity. Katelyn has never been a good sleeper. Still isn't about half the time. Bella has been a great sleeper from day one (it was a wonderful shock)and if I am up with her in the wee hours its for a reason. Don't know why. Thats just how it is. Can't wait to see what we get next.

Cheryl said...

I guess that would make me a horrible mom cause my kids only get bottles! I'm kidding, I've had a hard time wondering if Kanani is getting neglected cause she doesn't get as much one on one time as Tanner did, but I just decided that the oldest child always gets the most attention as a newborn, and you just have to accept that you are adjusting to having less time to do everything yourself, so you improvise! You are a great mom, you can see it in your kids eyes, and that is where the best reviews of motherhood come from!

I have a good life said...

I think all three kids are so lucky to have you as their Mama! I also believe there is some of each of the nuture and nature thing. LD actually got held a ton more and he is my third. He just was such a horrid sleeper and I was too busy and DH too exhausted to deal well with the crying out thing. They are all great kids and "you done good" with all of them! :)

Robin said...

With mine I've found it's more what works for them - my son slept best on his father's chest (never mine, which bothered me until my husband pointed out that he wouldn't be able to fall asleep in the middle of a restaurant either LOL), my daughter preferred either her own space or between us in our bed. One nursed for comfort, the other for sustenance. From the beginning they each had their own preferences and needs and I find I'm better able to parent them when I take that into consideration. Not necessarily permitting X Y or Z, but acknowledging that different methods of parenting work best for each.

Sounds like you're doing something similar - letting your path wind where it needs to go as you go along.