Wednesday, August 29, 2007

Waddle Waddle Mama Duck

Once this baby is born, I am never leaving the house. Especially if we decide to have another one after that. What made me make this decision? I took the kids to the doctor and the store today. (The Simster is 18 months and growing well!) Ergo...

I am trying very hard to hide my swelling belly. I am now days away from trimester 3, but I'm just not cute enough to show off the belly. Plus, I can sense the eyes following me when I'm out and about - they look at the almost 3-year-old Bubbs and 18 month Simster and then they check me out and think - can she really be pregnant again? I am ready for the kid but I am mind-reading "birth control" on the minds of many who see me. So for now, I'd rather have people wonder "chubb or baby?" and I suck in a lot. Often. However, I do waddle. It just happens.

So I'm in the doctor's waiting room chasing the Simster and trying to keep my eye on the Bubbs sitting in the little kid's chair. I'm wearing a shirt that hides my belly but screams moppy Mom and my eyes are drooping. I can see the lovely woman reading her Cosmo glancing up now and again in my direction. And there's no understanding smile. She's probably looking at the bruise on the Bubbs' head (playgroup playground mishap but looks like I could have bashed her in the head) and the Simster's black eye (sister mishap but looks like I could have punched him or something) and I'm thinking - child services will be here any minute. Then the nurse calls us and I gather my protesting kiddies and head to the room.

Waddle Waddle Mama Duck. So much for hiding the belly.

And the Bubbs tells the doctor "I have a big owie on my head. From Mommy." What?! I have told DH I think it would be funny for her to tell people that but I didn't actually want it to happen! Luckily, she follows "Umm, I fell in the park. Did Mommy put ice on it? Yep." So I think I'm in the clear. But it doesn't end. When the doc checks S's ahem- privates - Sim starts, you know, fiddling down there and laughing and says "Wee-wee, wee-wee" As we know, boys will be boys, but still... is the doctor thinking "I hope she's just gaining weight because I think this is enough..." We leave trailing crumbs of a granola bar (which S found in my purse of course).

Waddle Waddle Mama Duck. Duck #2 tries to get run over by a car and/or escape to Mexico.

The excursion to the store could have been worse. Ducks sat in the cart rather nicely and it's just a quick trip. Of course, there's only so much room in one cart and the Bubbs starts feeling trapped. She starts to throw one of her lovely tantrums and I give her the evil eye. And she says to her brother, "Is Mommy freaking out? I not freaking out. Mommy's freaking out. I have a big owie." Why the obsession with the owie? 1. She's no dummy. She thinks other adults will feel sorry for her and give her something. 2. The Simster got a band-aid at the doctor's because of his shot and she's itching for a Dora band-aid so she has to have an owie. Naturally she mentions this in the same sentence about me freaking out. Super. I rush out before Sim can discuss his genitals again in detail and before Bubbs throws the Sprite over the side of the cart for a preschool science experiment. I am starting to think the belly is the least of my worries...

Which is probably good, because I glance down and half of my shirt is untucked and the curve of the belly is holding on to some serious granola bar remnants...

Waddle Waddle Mama Duck.

2 comments:

I have a good life said...

I haven't seen you in the Mama Duck stage...but at least you are a very funny Mama Duck that someday will be a millionaire with her storytelling abilities. And...two posts in rapid succession! Amazing! :)

nikko said...

Ugh. I hear you. During the summer, going out with all three boys and my no-longer-invisible tummy, I felt like all eyes were one me.

Waddling along with you...